Love for a Lifetime
by reCreation
Summary: It's a one shot with Snapes thouhghts about Lily in three different stages of his life.


Disclaimer: I do not own any characters of the Harry Potter series.

The portrait swung close behind her and as the Fat Lady stared at him he knew that his heart was closed, too.

And just like the portrait who wouldn't let anyone in without password, he wouldn't let anyone in at all because no one knew the password to his heart but Lily.

Not even he knew it.

Only Merlin knows how she figured that one out but he thanked the Gods everyday for it. And now no one knew how to make that bloody organ in his chest that brought him so much joy but also so much heartbreak beat faster . . . or at all.

He still couldn't believe that he lost the only good thing in his life.

But here he was, standing in the huge castle that was Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and despite its vastness he never felt more alone.

Not when his parents screamed at each other.

Not when his father beat the crap out of him for being a wizard. He could endure all of that because he still had her in his life.

He never thought he could hate James Potter more than he already did but his hatred grew tenfold for Potter humiliating him cost him his friendship with Lily.

She was his light in the dark.

She was the hand that stopped him from drowning.

She was his voice of reason, his conscience. He knew she was the sole reason why he hadn't immersed himself in the Dark Arts completely because it would mean to leave her behind. He knew he was being selfish to want both: respect and Lily though her blood would never allow him to have that. But he was aware of the simple fact that he could not live without her, could never be happy without her.

God, he was supposed to be a Slytherin: arrogant, cruel and above all void of any emotions. Thinking about her always made him sound so . . . cheesy but every thought was telling the truth.

She always tried to make him look not so glum, to laugh and dare he think it, wear something other than black. And while he was with her he even thought all this was possible, him being happy and maybe even wearing white in his wedding day standing next to a beautiful and clever and funny Redhead. Lily Snape . . .

_'Salazar, she reduces me to a Hufflepuff'_, he thought with a wry grin.

But as soon as it came it faded because he remembered that these golden hours belonged to the past now, he remembered why he was here and the Fat Lady was looking at him expectantly: he was not supposed to be here, had no right being there any more.

He screwed up, royally so, and he knew there was no way back. He had made sure to built a solid wall between them, it was irrevocable and impenetrable and created by just one word: mudblood. It pained him to even think about that word that had ruined his life so thoroughly.

In that moment he knew without a doubt that he would never again feel such all consuming regret.

He would never feel such all consuming regret? Laughable!

How could he continue with his life now that he had done the unthinkable. He murdered Lily Potter. No, Lily Evans. In his thoughts she would always stay his Lily, not Potters.

But what does it matter?

She's gone.

And while he may not have gone and spoke the curse, he as good as could have because his words caused her death.

How could he be so blind and believe he would be respected by everyone when he joined the Dark Lord? It was all in vain and now the reason he kept living is gone. After he realized his mistake he tried everything to make the world a better place for her. At the risk of his life. But what did his life matter compared to her happiness?

These last years he's just seen her from afar. He wasn't happy with that but knowing that she was happy was all he needed to keep on going. And as hard as it was to admit, Potter truly made her happy.

In all the years of their friendship he'd never seen her as radiant as the one time in Diagon Alley where she walked with her husband and son, looking at the brooms in the window while arguing if the boy was too young for one or not.

At that time he thought that at least one of them is getting their happily ever after. How wrong he was. Her world changed from one day to another from a fairytaile to a horror story.

And whose fault was that?

The world never was a darker place. Even with the Dark Lord gone.

It fascinated him.

How could the world still exist without her? How could the birds still sing, the sun still shine and people still laugh? How dare these people celebrate the end of the war, when it was at the cost of Lily's life?

Lily.

Albus told him that her son survived the killing curse. He told him to protect him. But he is the reason the Dark Lord hunted Lily down in the first . . . maybe second . . . place. But he is her son. The last living proof that Lily was real.

So from now on he will do everything in his power to make sure this proof, this last piece of her will survive.

The boy is rumored to have her eyes.

Now he's lying here, looking into emerald green eyes.

Her eyes. But not truly hers.

The eyes of her son for whom he gave his life but whom he could not save from his true destiny. Again, he failed.

He dies, trying to protect her son so her death wasn't in vain. He dies because she would have wanted above everything else her son to be alive.

But he doesn't want to think about that now.

He wants to see her beautiful emeralds one last time.

_'I love you, Lily.'_

He takes one last breath.

His onyx eyes are closing.

_'Lily, I'm coming.'_

His heart stopped beating.

Please leave me a comment whether you liked it or not. I'm open to criticism.

But it would be nice if you keep in mind that

1. this is my first fanfiction

2. english is not my mother tounge and I've never been to an english speeking country in my life

Greetings :)


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